The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

This year, 2020, started differently for me. I didn’t have a class to prepare for. I didn’t have staff days to attend. I didn’t have the noise in my head as my holiday began to creep towards its natural end. Sure, I still had the excitement of what was to come. The nerves of starting. But I had the added nerves of starting something new. A new journey, a new job.

Almost three months later I feel I am finding my feet. As Term 1 drew to an end I was feeling more comfortable in this new skin as an Education Programme Leader. I had spent time getting to know the people I am working with, getting to know their context and their students. Getting to understand how each school functions and how they relate to each other. I’ve watched for the unspoken culture and felt my way with different parts of the job.

This job is kind of like walking into a room blindfolded. You know there are walls and doors even though you can’t see them initially and while you trust that the people around you aren’t there to trip you up or push you over, you still feel very much in the dark.

I’ve been lucky though. I’ve had Mark with me, holding my hand as I feel my way forward. Guiding and supporting me, cheering me on and gently reminding me not to try and run just yet. I’ve also had Kesley to my side. I’ve watched her navigate this role for a few years now, so she has given me a blueprint with which I can follow. What an imprint too! Again, I feel so blessed.  To have an amazing whāhine around me, showing me what great humble leadership looks like.

I have been struck by what I’ve missed though. And what I haven’t missed.

I knew that I would miss my work-wife Angela. And I have. Badly. It is hard to know how much you become in tune with each other when working in a close environment. It is a pretty powerful thing, a good partnership in a classroom. We have weathered many a storm together, professionally and personally. I know that I am a better teacher because of this relationship. And a better person. Thankfully, we can still catch up, even in this weird bubble time, we meet and laugh and groan together.

I knew I’d miss my classroom and in particular, the students. There have been a few tears shed over what I haven’t been able to do with them. Over the end of the journey, especially for the Year 8’s. 3+ years is a long time to journey with students, you really get to know them well.

I know I’ve also grieved what we (Angela and I) could have done with them this year. We had that class humming by the end of 2019 and this year would have been a gift of exploring and extending with those amazing learners into things we hadn’t been able to do before.

I’ve missed the staff team too. There are great, passionate people that work at my former school. They love every kid that walks through the gate each morning, even when it is hard and challenging and they aren’t so lovable. It’s weird not walking through the same gate every day. (It’s also strange knowing that if I do get to walk through that gate again this year that I will be met with change and with people who won’t know me or care why I’m there.)

I haven’t missed the stress though. The drama. The frustrations. The difficult bits. The unending lists of stuff that you have to do but have no time for. And let’s not forget the behaviour management. I really don’t miss that. Mostly I don’t miss the feeling that it doesn’t matter what you do because it won’t make a bit of difference fo that kid or their situation because what it really needs is money and 1:1 support and … (insert list here), sigh.

I see that struggle though, in every school and class, I enter now. I see the strength, the determination, the tenacity and the beauty that exists in every teacher as they fight daily for the best space for each student to learn. Sure, it isn’t perfect all the time. It is messy and sometimes things go wrong, failure happens. But, it is as real as it gets.

So I feel glad and blessed, afraid and happy, excited and nervous. But I know that this new journey I’m on is the right one. I have a new team, a new set of people who I can engage in this journey of educating and the chance to grow in new ways. What a gift.

I started this blog thinking I would share some learnings but as I’ve written I realise that in this weird, bubble space we currently exist opens itself for reflection. So this is a reflection blog on what was. Tomorrow I might write about the learnings and the current things. But today I reflect and I remember. I wonder if you are taking some time for reflecting too?