During our cybersmart lesson this week we started to look at who our audience is. A comment was made by Mark that my blog would be read by others. I laughed. See, I knew that my blog wasn't actually public. It was set up purely for my professional practice evidence and I didn't really want others to see it. But in that moment I was challenged.
I expect that my students will blog at least once a week. I expect that they will share the good stuff and the bad stuff. And I wasn't modelling it. Why not? Because I am afraid. I'm afraid about others reading my stuff.
I'm not a particularly eloquent person and my spelling is pretty terrible. People who know me, know this. I don't hide it and I don't really pretend that I am what I'm not. But putting something down on 'paper' means that more than just those that know me may read it. Does it bother me that others might notice my grammatical and spelling eras? Yes. Does it bother me that others might think less of me because of what I've written? Sort of. Do I want to put all my thoughts, reflections and ideas out into the world? Sometimes. But then again I might look a bit stupid if I do. And no one wants to look stupid to they?
But I expect my students to do this. I want parents to engage with their children's work; the good and the ugly. I want their learning and thinking to grow because of this engagement. And I don't want them to be afraid to put things out into the world. I want them to be brave and willing to be who they are, to put their creativity out into the world.
I have recently finished a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called 'Big Magic'. It's a book about living a creative life. In it she talks about fear. She talks about how fear is the killer of all things creative. She sums up a part by saying "Scary, scary, scary. Everything is so goddamn scary." And she is right, it actually is. It is hard to put your creativity out there. To be seen and judged for what you do. Flip, you might even fail. And of course most educators (and humans generally) don't want to fail. And it is worse when you fail in front of the class. When you make that mistake and the students see it and pay you out for it (the joys of seniors!). Or worse - the parents!!!
But what does Elizabeth Gilbert say we should do with our fear? Are we to be fearless and try anything? Nope. We need fear but we mustn't let it drive us. Fear can come for the ride but not stear. Because fear will stop us doing really dumb stuff but it will also stop us from living. And I don't want that for my students, my own children, my husband or myself. I spent a number of years being 'afraid' (and clearly I still am about some things) and I want to try and step beyond the fear.
And so here I am, writing my first 'post'. Not a post that is to record my 'stuff' for my teacher registration but something a bit more personal. Am I afraid? A little but that's ok. Fear and I are going on this journey and we'll see where it takes us.
